This blog was not planned but, I feel it has been twenty years in the making. My first experience with adoption occurred Thanksgiving of 1989 when my step-mother and father brought three year old Paul into their home. I had been living out of town as a college student and not been told about their decision to adopt until I came home for Thanksgiving vacation. I fondly recall how my new adopted brother, still wearing his Halloween costume only now painted with cranberries and gravy toddled up to the table for his third helping of potatoes and that was it. From that moment on, I have considered Paul my brother in every sense of the word.
Nine years later, Thanksgiving of 1998, and I had just recently accepted a full time position working with birth-mothers and birth-fathers. Although excited about my new position, it was a diversion from the career plan—loose expectations really— that I had in my head. There were many things that appealed to me about working in adoption. For as long as I can remember, I have been drawn toward life experiences that push me and offer the greatest possibility for change. I like to be confronted with my limits because I can learn what types of things are holding me back as well as what I am capable of. The word adoption seemed to have a sister word (adaptation) that was another key part of my own philosophy.
Myexperiencewith birth-mothers, birthfathers, children, and adoptive parents has had a profoundpositive change on my worldview. The blogs that follow generally relate to the experiences I have gathered along the way. Knowing ourselves, planning, metaphors, growth, challenge, being alone/being together, what a mother is, bonds between people, what a father is, reciprocity, coping, letting go, decision making, and change are just a few of the subjects I would like to cover in this journey. I will try to tell a good story and bring in some humor along the way. Still, this will be a weak sauce without the questions, musings, feedback, trash talk,and insights from readers. Thus, if adoption has impacted your life or you have a thought to share about this writing; please send it in.
Barry Adams, LCSW